After reading the final chapter of Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman, I am determined to not let the American surroundings here make an effect on my parenting style toward my child. That book I just mentioned? Whether you are a parent or not, it is mandatory for you to read the book! It has brought me so many second thoughts about my actions, how the American mothers here behave and looking back at my time residing in Austria.
No, this is not a ‘How to’ book, but an analysis of Pamela’s personal experience as a new American mother in Paris, France. If I didn’t move back to the U.S., I might would not understand what Pamela was blabbing about! Thankfully, I understood with depth. If you are open toward learning new things and taking insults in plain sight, then you shall read. You can order it via Amazon.com.
My partner, Sokrates, have been bothering me on how parents in the U.S. treat their children and I didn’t understand what he was trying to explain until I became one myself! We have discussed hours hours hours and many more hours toward this topic of parenting styles between Europe and the U.S.. To be frank, this will be an interesting blog. Do not be offended. This is based on what I have read from the book (Pamela’s personal experience) and my OWN personal experience as a mother. Here goes:
My child was born in Vienna (Wien), Austria. We have spent more than a year there, enjoying the magnificent beauty. Parents in Austria do not drive that often. They rely on the wonderful public transportation in Vienna, which consists of: tram, metro, city buses, city tram, train and cycling. Parents with young children would walk all day long to do errands and still have a smile on their faces. It’s entirely normal for them. I remember first coming to Vienna, I panted when we walked down one street! Now, I can strut my way through 15 blocks in high heels with my child without shedding a sweat. Whenever I need to shop for food, I walk around the block to get my grocery and maybe a cup of coffee. Every weekend morning, I would walk down the street with my child to a bakery and get fresh sweets and coffee for a breakfast for the three of us. It was routine. Driving to get my grocery? Unheard of. Also, there are thousands of parks in Vienna! Children all over – but the difference here is that the playgrounds offered are NOT in plastic, but in metal or wood. I would notice that the kids at the playground would not have a temper, scream for more food or even have a fit. They were running around, laughing and not bothering their parents. That made me wonder.
Now, fast forward to now, I live in the U.S., surrounded by SO many Suburban parents, which is disgusting (personally) for me, but that wasn’t the problem. If they want a huge assed mini van, that is fine with me, if they want to waste their gas by driving to every store even if you could walk from your home to, that is fine with me, but when they parent their kids, that is what the problem is. At a school-program-like, parents and their infants would get together in a classroom in a school twice a week to socialize and have activities for our babies/toddlers. That’s when I lost my mind. Plastic toys scattered all over, strollers everywhere, no fathers in sight (sometime they appear) and mothers whining. One afternoon, I had to hold back my temper and let it all out on Sokrates. I’m not naming who is who or where is where. At that program, the leader asked us to sit down and discuss about several topics. One new mother asked about traveling in a car with a baby during the summer, of course, I had to help her as I have had experience with riding in a car for hours and hours with my child in tow. I explained to her that she could sit back with the child and let the father drive, that she could play with the child, feed her, read her a book. One other mother who has already had other children, quickly interrupted and suggested to that new mother to ‘throw a DVD in and she will be fine watching it.’ OH MY WORD. I can not describe the words how mad I was! I kept on thinking, ‘so you just want to shut the fucking child in the back seat!? Can not you tolerate your own child!? Throwing in a DVD is terrible!’ Oh how much I wanted to slap her. But, she wasn’t the only one. There are so many mothers like her, a Suburban mother, who does that very often.
What does a Suburban mother means? In my words, they’re the mothers who do not breastfeed their children (because they do not want to), chose to have a C section instead of a natural birth, dresses their children in either blue for a boy or pink for a girl, who drops them off at a day care for a long time, who forces them to enroll in sports after school, who feeds them junk food, who have Mini-Vans with full on stereo set and a DVD player/T.V., plastic toys everywhere in the house and the backyard. That is a Suburban mother. I am the total opposite of that. Europeans too. Oh dear.
You know, here in U.S., when a child demands more food, their parents just give it to them. Simple as that. In Europe, when that occurs, the parents say No. The kids will quiet down and wait til it’s lunchtime or dinner time. The authority in the U.S. has changed. The authority in the house are the children. In the book, it has had a lot of mentions of French women/mothers/nannies who went to U.S. for holiday/work/events, et cetera, who were so shocked by how the kids behaved in the U.S.. They found it disgusting and sickening. They could not believe it either. Kids would complain whole day and demand things – parents will not argue. They will give up and let them win. THAT should not happen. Most kids here in U.S., have entirely NO manner or respect. It’s as if they have forgotten how to say Good Morning or Please or Thank you or How are you? In this specific era, it has gotten worse, yes, to kids screaming ‘shut up shut up you!’ or hitting their teachers/parents or playing on computer all day long and obese. The topic of Bullying here have gotten worse too, parents ignoring the signs, thinking it’s nothing so serious. On that note: You should watch ‘Bully’ the recently released film in theaters! A documentary of 5 kids who are being bullied in schools. Maybe you will understand more.
Now, back to the time when I was living in Vienna. We would have a weekly mother meet up at a local children cafe, yes, there are children cafes all over Europe! A cafe with place where the children can play as their mothers have their coffee. Anyway, so, I went to that cafe with my partner and our child with other mothers, we sat on some awesome fancy-assed sofas and ordered coffee, the kids just played and did not ONCE pat their parents’ shoulders for something. Parents were smiling, chatting with their friends. I was in awe. Mothers in Europe often are thin, healthy, happy, busy but always have a free time but why aren’t American mothers? They often use sloppy clothes, complain about their children being messy eaters, fat, not healthy, moody and busy without any free time. What has gone wrong here? In a doctor’s waiting room in Vienna, it is full of mothers dressed up, breastfeeding in public, giggling and laughing. In America, mothers in sweatpants and basketball tees, sitting with their back hunched up, moody, feeding their baby with a formula, staring at the wall. It’s depressing. The society has made it hard for the mothers to have any hope of having a normal life. In Vienna, mothers do go to clubs (turns between the fathers and the mothers) in high heels. In America, it’s a sin to ever leave your house in high heels at 2AM! You’re a bad mother! (Now you’re getting to the point where I am so frustrated here?) Austrian children speak bilingual, have manners, open doors for the elderly, eat quietly and are very happy.
Phew. I am very disappointed with how the mothers here in the U.S. have become! A very long time ago, American mothers were very similar with Europeans, but that has vanished for some reason. I want it back. I need the mothers to be happy and not to see a child whine ever again. Ever since moving to the U.S., I have found it hard to befriend somebody who has a different philosophy on raising their children, because I often pity them. It is possible to have well behaved, well mannered and happy children. What has happened here?
Have you or have not you noticed how worse it has gotten with the children today? Talking back, attitudes, tempers, no respect whatsoever. Is it because of the media? Society?
